Rocky Road
Rocky Road; that's just how our morning went. I wish I was referring to ice cream when I make that analogy. I'm not.
Today is one of those "at my wit's end" days. From the moment Josh woke up he didn't have anything nice to say. I've repeatedly attempted to explain Joshua's behavior on mornings like this one, yet I never feel like I do it justice. I can never seem to remember his exact phrases when I sit down to talk about it. I honestly don't know if I'm blocking it out because I really don't want to think my child could say such hurtful things to others or if it's my way of moving on and not letting it ruin my day. Is it denial or a means of coping? Who knows.
I'll attempt to provide you with a glimpse of how my morning went. After I get out of the shower I wake both Josh and Justine up. I return to my bathroom to ready myself for the day as the kids start wandering about the house beginning their typical morning routines. After Justine gets dressed she walks thru the greatroom on the way to the laundry room in search of her shoes. As she passes Josh he mutters, "You're stupid."
His comment sends her into a hissy fit. Distracted by his comment she returns to my bedroom now hysterical and tattling on her brother. Josh follows not far behind denying everything. Even when confronted with the fact that I heard him, he steadfastly denies saying any such thing.
*Sigh*
I redirect. Justine is back on the mission to retrieve her shoes and Josh is instructed to make sure all the upstairs lights are off. He leaves my bedroom in apparent obedience, only to stray seconds later. As soon as he's within earshot of Justine he says, "Justine, you need to turn off your bedroom light. I'm not doing it."
Knowing I asked Josh to turn them all off, she argues with him. They go back and forth seemingly forever. She grows increasingly hysterical and his comments become more harsh.
So just what is harsh? It's name calling. Every sentence is finished with words like "butthead", "idiot", or "stupid". Verbal attacks if you will.
Listening from my bathroom I try to temper myself - wanting to scream in frustration, but knowing that won't do a thing to improve the situation. Some mornings I am successful in maintaining my composure, others not so much. Either way I feel like a failure.
Why? Why would my child need to repeatedly put down another person like this? Especially his own sister!? I just don't get it.
Not to long after this all transpires, Kayla arrives. She's my niece that I also drive to school. Nearly everyday the abuse shifts from Justine to Kayla as soon as she's here. The insults vary. Even a simple question from Josh ends negatively. "Did you remember your instrument, fatty?", for example.
As the morning goes on I interject reminding Joshua that his behavior will not be tolerated. By now I really don't know what an appropriate consequence is. I've covered all the bases from rewarding mornings without such outbursts, to spending the morning separating him from the girls so he can't berate them.
I'm sure many would believe this is a learned behavior. To some extent I'll agree. Jeff and I do not treat the kids in this manner, yet I'd be in denial if I said Jeremy never bullied his brother some. That said, what Jeremy does is certainly few and far between and not beyond what happens in any other household.
What Josh does though? It's different. It's constant, cruel, and beyond what anyone could consider normal. It breaks my heart. I feel like I'm spinning my wheels, making no progress when it comes to raising this child.
As we drove to school today and the nastiness continued, I had a new thought. I'm going to record Josh and make him listen to how he talks to people. Perhaps hearing it that way he'll see just how vicious it is. If not, at least I'll finally have a good example to take with me when we see his psychiatrist next. Just as I struggle to accurately describe his behaviors to you, I struggle to do so when meeting with the professionals. Maybe hearing it first hand will make a difference for the doctor? We'll see.
And that, my friend, is what I'd call a Rocky Road. Not quite a bowl of ice cream, is it?
Today is one of those "at my wit's end" days. From the moment Josh woke up he didn't have anything nice to say. I've repeatedly attempted to explain Joshua's behavior on mornings like this one, yet I never feel like I do it justice. I can never seem to remember his exact phrases when I sit down to talk about it. I honestly don't know if I'm blocking it out because I really don't want to think my child could say such hurtful things to others or if it's my way of moving on and not letting it ruin my day. Is it denial or a means of coping? Who knows.
I'll attempt to provide you with a glimpse of how my morning went. After I get out of the shower I wake both Josh and Justine up. I return to my bathroom to ready myself for the day as the kids start wandering about the house beginning their typical morning routines. After Justine gets dressed she walks thru the greatroom on the way to the laundry room in search of her shoes. As she passes Josh he mutters, "You're stupid."
His comment sends her into a hissy fit. Distracted by his comment she returns to my bedroom now hysterical and tattling on her brother. Josh follows not far behind denying everything. Even when confronted with the fact that I heard him, he steadfastly denies saying any such thing.
*Sigh*
I redirect. Justine is back on the mission to retrieve her shoes and Josh is instructed to make sure all the upstairs lights are off. He leaves my bedroom in apparent obedience, only to stray seconds later. As soon as he's within earshot of Justine he says, "Justine, you need to turn off your bedroom light. I'm not doing it."
Knowing I asked Josh to turn them all off, she argues with him. They go back and forth seemingly forever. She grows increasingly hysterical and his comments become more harsh.
So just what is harsh? It's name calling. Every sentence is finished with words like "butthead", "idiot", or "stupid". Verbal attacks if you will.
Listening from my bathroom I try to temper myself - wanting to scream in frustration, but knowing that won't do a thing to improve the situation. Some mornings I am successful in maintaining my composure, others not so much. Either way I feel like a failure.
Why? Why would my child need to repeatedly put down another person like this? Especially his own sister!? I just don't get it.
Not to long after this all transpires, Kayla arrives. She's my niece that I also drive to school. Nearly everyday the abuse shifts from Justine to Kayla as soon as she's here. The insults vary. Even a simple question from Josh ends negatively. "Did you remember your instrument, fatty?", for example.
As the morning goes on I interject reminding Joshua that his behavior will not be tolerated. By now I really don't know what an appropriate consequence is. I've covered all the bases from rewarding mornings without such outbursts, to spending the morning separating him from the girls so he can't berate them.
I'm sure many would believe this is a learned behavior. To some extent I'll agree. Jeff and I do not treat the kids in this manner, yet I'd be in denial if I said Jeremy never bullied his brother some. That said, what Jeremy does is certainly few and far between and not beyond what happens in any other household.
What Josh does though? It's different. It's constant, cruel, and beyond what anyone could consider normal. It breaks my heart. I feel like I'm spinning my wheels, making no progress when it comes to raising this child.
As we drove to school today and the nastiness continued, I had a new thought. I'm going to record Josh and make him listen to how he talks to people. Perhaps hearing it that way he'll see just how vicious it is. If not, at least I'll finally have a good example to take with me when we see his psychiatrist next. Just as I struggle to accurately describe his behaviors to you, I struggle to do so when meeting with the professionals. Maybe hearing it first hand will make a difference for the doctor? We'll see.
And that, my friend, is what I'd call a Rocky Road. Not quite a bowl of ice cream, is it?
posted by Sindy at
8:39 PM
6 Comments:
Oh man. I DO know what your mornings are like. Because this sounds almost EXACTLY like the way Alex is.(Poor Lauren takes the brunt of it, perhaps because she's an easy target?) Seriously, we have never talked to our kids or each other, or anyone else like that so we are flabbergasted when he does it because we're not sure where he learned it. And its almost constant. And its not just the name calling and barrage of insults...it the nasty, biting tone of voice he uses. I have tried to explain how it sounds, and how other people feel....and even reminded him what it feels like to be on the other end of such verbal abuse....to no avail. I think recording him and playing it back is a great idea.
To be honest, lately, he has totally overwhelmed me. Well, both of us. But its easier for J because he travels, so he gets to walk away and leave it behind for days at a time. He doesn't take the phone calls that begin, "Hi Mrs J, it's the Principal again....We've had an incident we should discuss....." My stomach tightens when the school shows up on Caller ID, and I'm tempted not to answer, but then they just call my cell phone! LOL!
ACK. I feel your pain. No words of wisdon or anything, but I do hope it is comforting for you to know I'm walking this road as well.
Man, kids fight so much! Mine fight and it's so stressful. Thank God for school! I vote for all day school 365 days a year!
Hey Sindy, I just wanted to say a big thanks for writing up that post about me on your xanga blog. That was so sweet and I'm oh so flattered ;). I tried leaving a comment on your xanga blog but couldn't figure out how. If you could tell me how, I'd love to visit you there.
Hey Sindy, I just wanted to say a big thanks for writing up that post about me on your xanga blog. That was so sweet and I'm oh so flattered ;). I tried leaving a comment on your xanga blog but couldn't figure out how. If you could tell me how, I'd love to visit you there.
((Hugs))
Sounds like you could use a little peace.
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